Being in Heartbreak
July 21st was supposed to be a day that quietly recognized and honored a night one year ago known privately as “when we fell off the cliff.”
Instead, my mother died and my heart nose-dived into a black abyss. My mind feels like mush, my limbs are leaden and writing is suddenly a gut-wrenching chore.
However, I know from experience that writing is also my salvation. I’ve just never written through this particular level of numbness.
I can tell you I don’t want to drink, use drugs or smoke cigarettes. I’m not even particularly interested in eating. I am blessed that those desires are missing.
So I sit in my sadness, praying, waiting, being. It’s hard as hell, but it is exactly what Mom would want me to do. She’d say, “You’re tougher than you know. The pain will ease one day and until that time, you can do this. One day at a time.”
Bless you, Mom. I’m counting on your continued help. I love you beyond time and space.




In July of 2009, I had an epiphany. For about a month prior, I was emotionally distraught, increasingly depressed and having serious thoughts of drinking again (after 18 years of sobriety).
I struggled to wrap my arms around what could possibly be wrong with me. I had all the trappings of a good life, one others would love to emulate--great job, dream house, traveling for a living, a life mate . . . the list goes on. 





That's exactly what Mom would say and she would expect you to do exactly that! Since you know her so well, then you know she's watching over you right now and has been watching over you all your life. She wants nothing more than for you to be happy and to live life to its fullest … so do it, cuz — one day at a time!
Remember that Roy and I love you, as well as many, many others! Life does go on, so busy yourself with living — just like Mom did!
Always thinking of you — Diana