I’ve been moaning to myself about my life being out of order. It just feels all jumbled up right now. I’d really like for the whole thing to be fixed so I can get on with the business of doing what I do, which apparently is to obsess about regaining control of that which is uncontrolable.
In the meantime, my ego is trying to trick me. “Girl, you’ll be just fine (and we know what FINE really means!), just keep juggling; you’re getting really good at catching those spinning plates.”
I don’t know if I’m not spiritual enough yet or what, but I’m sure not feeling the zen that several of my blogging buddies describe. Instead, I feel keyed-up, coiled-up and knotted-up. What is that about?
Don’t Pray for Patience . . .
. . . because you’ll get plenty of situations and people for which you get to practice patience. Apparently, I shouldn’t have announced to the universe that 2011 for me would be overseen by the words Intention, Source and Order.
Because my life is far from orderly.
Two of the three 2011 words–Intention and Source–are easy in comparison to Order. I’m usually pretty faithful when it comes to keeping the commitments of my intentions. As for Source, I truly know that God, as my source, does for me what I can and cannot do for myself.
I am really having hissy fits about Order. How?
- By thrusting myself into my day with little rhyme or reason.
- I am easily distracted.
- I am eating every thing in sight while promising God that I’ll start exercising tomorrow. This is pretty much a daily thing.
- I am a bit irritable and by God, I deserve to be because if you people would only (fill in the blank).
That’s What it’s Like for Me. Except . . .
Yesterday, I was moved by a recent post by Barrie Davenport at Live Bold and Bloom (here’s the link: http://wp.me/p1jxD2-5. In the post, Barrie offers an exercise that determines what your top 5 values are how those values can form the background of every decision you make.
Once I got into the post, I modified it because I’ve already done a bunch of the work via the 4th Step. (full disclosure: I was plane hopping during the time I worked on the exercise and just wanted to get down to the nitty gritty. This avenue is not recommended. Please take all of Barrie’s suggestions.)
What I did instead was to work with the beginning suggestions about choosing words that are a part of our overall life experience and separately, a part of our work experience. Ultimately I narrowed all the words to a simple list of 12 words. Here are the words in alpha order: Acceptance, Balance, Courage, Creative, Freedom, Humility, Integrity, Mindfulness, Optimism, Passion, Peace and Presence.
What to Do With 12 Random Words?
I may cull the list further but for now, I want to give each word the attention it deserves.
I’ll spend one week on each, blog about each and absorb each one into the functioning of my days.
Sounds pretty orderly to me. Over the course of the next 12 weeks, will you comment, or tweet/Facebook the blog post link indicating your support?
I’m eager for this work because I believe there will be insights and revelations. If I’m lucky, maybe I’ll even learn a thing or two about Order. Wouldn’t that be cool?
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I’m back in the writing saddle after a couple of weeks away from blogging and I have to tell you that I’ve missed the connecting, and yes, even the accountability of my self-imposed deadlines.
I took a break from most everything and skipped the country, spending six glorious days in the tropical p
aradise of Turks & Caicos, British West Indies. I passed my 50thbirthday there in fact, bookending the day with walks on Grace Bay Beach, on the island of Providenciales, enjoying a magnificent sunrise and an equally mag sunset.
Relaxed and waiting
The vacation was a complete unplugging from all electronics and I returned calm and revitalized. And now I’m waiting because something is about to happen.
Have you ever felt like you’re on the verge of something big in your life? Like the Power That Charges the Universe is about to unleash a monumental event in the backyard where your soul calls home?
As I stand on the precipice of my third decade in sobriety, I’d like to think I’m open to change, that I’ve mastered the “Okay, God, whatever” prayer of surrender. But I have to tell you that I am a little fearful that the unleashed backyard dog might be a Doberman when I’m praying for a Chihuahua.
Since the SBE (Something Big Event) is about me, would it be too much to ask for a say in the matter?
After all, in a short 21 months, I’ve experienced nearly every major stressor in the books. There was a time a few months back when strangled with tension and stress, my therapist gave me a written stress test. She said people who are highly stressed score in the three hundreds. I topped out at nearly 700.
Time to do something different
I made some adjustments, some changes, altered some outlooks and perceptions and went to a ton of meetings. I’m happy to report that I’m a much calmer person than I was when I took that test. Of course, I realize that six days of nirvana could be a blissful contributor.
I am in a better place except for this niggling thought of the SBE. Could be good stuff, probably is good stuff, but I still question God’s motives sometimes.
No, third-decade sobriety doesn’t render one white with mystical life answers.
However, I am making sure that while I patiently wait on God’s decision (wink, wink), I keep that connection as open as I can. The current is only as strong as the soundness of the wiring. And while I practice patience, which everyone knows I am so very good at, which is why I keep practicing, I can recapture the 
sensations of the islands by enjoying my vacation photos.
I have memories to share—and I will—but in the meantime, I hope you enjoy the photos too. And let me know if you’ve experienced similar feelings like the ones I described here. I would love for you to share your experience, strength and hope about waiting on God’s timing and what you do.
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One of the amazing benefits of this blogging life is the friendships that form among people who have never spoken via phone or met face-to-face. And yet, the language of the heart connects them via strings of words typed into any one of a number of electronic devices that transmits messages across the globe.
My blogging friend Jen is an Australian writer currently living in China. Her energy and passion for happiness–not to mention her fabulous artwork–endeared me to her. Read this from her most recent post on My Smiling Heart:
“Every single little girl and woman on this planet deserves to see how beautiful they are. Including me. That’s why I’m doing this. So that one day, without hesitation, or 20 minutes staring at a blank screen, I will be able to list at least 30 things about myself that are amazingly beautiful and wonderful, and then go on to list 30 more.”
(for the complete post, and to see Jen’s site, click here: http://jensmilingheart.wordpress.com/2011/04/08/30-days-of-beauty-week-1/)
I love her project for April called 30 Days of Beauty. She and her friend, also named Jen, have created a 30-day challenge to everyone interested in beautifying our planet, one spectacular soul at a time. Again from her home page:
30DaysOfBeauty is a lifestyle experiment designed to boost self-esteem and encourage women (and men!) to see how truly beautiful they are – and raise money for a good cause in the process! Everybody wins!
Created by the two Jens, one the writer of The Smashed Planet and the other the writer of My Smiling Heart, 30DaysOfBeauty will use tweeting and blogging to spread a message of self-love and self-worth.
For 30 days, starting on the 1st of April 2011, the two Jens will take to their twitter accounts (@jenfromal and @smiling_heart) dedicating one tweet per day to a reason why they are beautiful.
Each 30DaysOfBeauty tweet will finish with the hashtag #imbeautifulbecause, encouraging others to join in on the fun and tweet about why they are beautiful, too!
Every week, the two Jens will each write a post about their progress on the 30DaysOfBeauty challenge, list their #imbeautifulbecause tweets from the previous week, and also include some of their favourite #imbeautifulbecause tweets from others.
Now, here’s the most important part.
Through crowdrise, the two Jens will be using this 30 day challenge to raise money for To Write Love On Her Arms, a cause that is dedicated to helping those struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.
We are dedicating these 30 days to raise at least $300 for To Write Love on Her Arms
Isn’t that the coolest? Aren’t these two Jens the epitome of what it means to love unconditionally? I support them and ask you to do the same. Get those tweets flying, Facebook updates launching and pass the worrd along. If you’re so inclined, head over to crowdrise and make a donation. We have three more weeks to help the Jens reach their goal, which is really our collective objective.
In doing so, you just may make a new international friend!
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Courtesy of ThruthLenz
I’ve wanted to write this post since January when I read about scientists finding 17 different species of freshwater mussels in the Delaware River somewhere between Trenton, NJ and Philadelphia.
The story is probably long forgotten by those who read The Philadelphia Inquirer or by those who, like me, saw the story printed in the January 30 edition of The Dallas Morning News. However, for Danielle Kreeger, the scientist who found the mussels, that June day is probably one of the highlights of her long career.
You see, she was in a boat in the middle of the river working on a wetlands project. It was June and she got hot. She jumped in with her mask and snorkel to cool off and there, on the riverbed bottom, hauled in gobs of freshwater mussels, including two species thought to be extinct and another that hadn’t been spotted in the area for more than half a century.
Why should we care?
Because we also care about the earthquake in Christchurch, New Zealand, tsunamis in Japan, and potential radioactive milk appearing in the United States. We should care because future generations depend on us to care.
Are you aware that:
- Mussels filter sediments, nutrients and contaminants, all of which protect the river from disease?
- Mussels are indicators when something is going wrong with a river or body of water? They are the “ideal sentinel organism” according to a biologist who was in the boat with Kreegerr.
Can you see the bigger picture?
As someone who had no appreciation for biology in school and is squeamish around slimy creatures, it’s kind of hard to understand the significance of the discovery on that hot June day. Heck, I don’t even like to eat water creatures unless they have fins and swim. But what I do appreciate is the picture beyond the Delaware River.
In addition to the interdependencies of water life, the bigger picture includes the humans who make their living off the water. Those local folks buy goods and services that support a local economy. Salaries of grocery store clerks, hairdressers and school teachers are paid so that they feed the economy and the picture grows bigger and bigger.
I’ve contemplated these things as I’ve stood before a body of water experiencing feelings of awe and humility.
Mussels are a symbol
Let’s face it. Our planet is in pain. The unfathomable events in Japan and New Zealand, the two most recent in a growing frequency of worldwide tragedies, are indicative of that pain.
Some say that global warming is to blame. Others say Mother Nature is angry. I don’t know about those things, but I do know that when I read the story about the mussels in the Delaware River, I felt a sense of hope.
If one species of an animal can mystically appear in a place where it hasn’t been seen in five decades, then I believe there is hope for the species of humanity.
While the answers for the tens of thousands of lives lost to natural disasters may only be known to our universal creator, there is one answer that brings great comfort:
We are all one—mussel and human—created by God, Buddha, Jehovah, Allah, Goddess—to operate in sync with every other species. The re-birth of a once-extinct form of life is cause for jubilation. It is cause for taking a moment to express gratitude that circumstances came together on that June day for Kreeger and her crew to haul in those nets of mussels.
Their haul is our hope.
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In July of 2009, I had an epiphany. For about a month prior, I was emotionally distraught, increasingly depressed and having serious thoughts of drinking again (after 18 years of sobriety).
I struggled to wrap my arms around what could possibly be wrong with me. I had all the trappings of a good life, one others would love to emulate--great job, dream house, traveling for a living, a life mate . . . the list goes on. 
