It’s our responsibility in recovery to use respectful, honest, health-giving words. We can no longer use defeating, shaming, or derogatory words. ~ Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men ©1986, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
Well damn. There’s that three-letter phrase that all-too-often kicks my butt: “responsibility in recovery.” Whenever I read the words or hear them, I revert to a dirt-kicking kid who whines, “No, I don’t wanna be responsible (add a foot stomp for emphasis).”
The Touchstones reading says that we have a responsibility to use words that are positive, or “health-giving.” We’re even told the kind of words we can’t use–not shouldn’t use–but can’t use.
Or else what? That’s my question; maybe yours too.
Or else we lose recovery? Possibly, in a manner of speaking. I may not drink alcohol again if I speak badly of myself or others, but I know from repeated experiences that I will probably end up consuming a cocktail of bitterness laced with guilt and regret.
And those are the things that could cause an addiction relapse.
The power of words
The words you use are the thoughts that become your experiences. #PositiveWords Click To Tweet If you’re a Tony Robbins fan, you’re probably aware of his Transformational Vocabulary approach to describing experiences.
Tony says the words that you use to describe your emotional state become your experience.
Speaking of words, the Global Language Monitor reports there are 1,250,109.8 words in the English language, as of January 1, 2014. (By the way, the millionth word was Web 2.0, which seems like two words to me, but hey, tomato/tomahto.)
Robbins claims there are more than 3,000 words in Roget’s Thesaurus for various emotions. Of those, 1,051 words represent positive emotions and 2,286 are for negative emotions.
Let that sink in for a minute. We are more than twice as likely to describe our emotions with negative words than with positive words. Remember: The words you use are the thoughts that become your experiences.
Is this hocus-pocus language stuff true?
I believe my state of being–of how I show up each day–tells the tale. Lately, I’ve been agitated, short-fused, impatient and overly sensitive. I haven’t been sleeping well and I’ve been jumping into work most mornings without my usual quiet journal time.
When I go back and look at the language I’ve used to describe my feelings, the phrases are I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough, I’m not smart . . . you get the idea.
Well, jeez, it’s no wonder I’m all out of sorts! It’s time to turn this ship around!
I read an article recently that made me realize I’m practicing irresponsible recovery, the opposite of what the Touchstones reading advises. See what you think: “Do You Have an Addictive Personality? There’s Hope for You” in TheElephantJournal.com.
Author Monique Amado lists 10 ways we can improve our recovery lives by focusing on what we do want instead of what we don’t want. You’ll see why I’m enamored with this whole language thing.
1. Acknowledge that you can’t go on like you have.
2. Change your thinking by replacing disempowering thoughts with empowering thoughts.
3. Become aware of the words that are coming out of your mouth.
4. Stop saying mean things to yourself.
5. Start saying kind things to yourself.
6. Be intentional about your action.
7. Tell someone.
9. Be gentle with yourself.
10. Don’t give up. Ever.
If you want to go a little deeper into what Monique wrote, be sure to click the link above the list. It’s really great stuff. If all 10 are too much to tackle, focus on the ones I’ve highlighted in bold, and especially on #10.
As a wise woman said to me recently, you’ve got to learn to love yourself. Do not ever give up on you.