My mom died four years ago today and it’s my opinion that losing your mom is like having a chunk of your heart ripped out. There were times when thundering waves of grief simply threw me to the ground with nothing to cover me but a hot blanket of tears. I just knew that I would never breathe normally again.
But of course I did. We all make it to the healing wall sooner or later.
Other episodes of grief occasionally swim by–losing a job, walking a beloved pet to the Rainbow Bridge or leaving one home for a new one. I’ve experienced all those things in the last four years. Heck, my back helps me mourn the passing of youth every single day!
So what do we do?
Here’s what I know for sure: Giving myself permission to feel grief is essential. There is no time frame for grief, so if anyone says or implies, “Gee, aren’t you done with that yet,” please feel free to kick him or her in the shin. Feel what you need to feel whenever grief rises.
I’ve been melancholy for the last few days. I knew of course that the anniversary of Mom’s death was coming, so I purposely chose to sit with the grief. In that process, I found that parts of me have healed, or are healing.
That’s what I want to share with you. Thoughts on healing. I’ve chosen these quotes because they come from books and books are where I so often draw my comfort. I hope they touch your heart as they touch mine.
Remember, your grief is your own. Don’t let anyone else judge it–or you.
I’d like to send special healing thoughts to my friend Lois who lost her mom this month. Be good to yourself, my dear!
Thoughts on grief and healing
“And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn’t have to anymore.”
― Anne Lamott, Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son’s First Year
“I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside.”
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack: Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity
“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
“And so I wait. I wait for time to heal the pain and raise me to me feet once again – so that I can start a new path, my own path, the one that will make me whole again.”
― Jack Canfield, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul II
“Simply touching a difficult memory with some slight willingness to heal begins to soften the holding and tension around it. (74)”
― Stephen Levine, A Year to Live: How to Live This Year as If It Were Your Last
“In a world plagued with commonplace tragedies, only one thing exists that truly has the power to save lives, and that is love.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich, Dandelions: The Disappearance of Annabelle Fancher
“Love opens your heart, trumps fear, and paves the way for healing in all aspects of your life.”
― Lissa Rankin, Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof That You Can Heal Yourself
Photo courtesy of greyerbaby