Do you remember the bubbles, kites and bicycles of your childhood?
Sticky bubble hands, cricks in your neck from watching your kite dip and dive and road rash from a turn taken too fast on the bike . . . those faded memories stir in me lately as I look hard for the little girl who still lives in my heart.
I haven’t knocked on her door and asked her to come out and play in a long, long time.
We Should Invite Our Kids–the Little Boy or Girl Inside Us–to Play.
Experts say that adults who acknowledge the needs of their inner kids–whether by addressing childhood fears or allowing pent-up creativity and playfulness to express–are more equipped to successfully deal with adult stressors. And who among us doesn’t want to better deal with stress?
Don’t worry, this is definitely not a post about getting in touch with your inner child.
I’ve been down that path and I’m not an enthusiastic fan–mostly because it’s hard, emotional and takes a ton of time and energy.
But I have been feeling way too adult lately with too much work and not enough intentional play time.
That feeling raises a Zen koan-like question: Where does the lingering child in me end and my adult self begin?
As adults, we often think we should repress our child-like qualities and “act our age.” But what age, exactly? My chronological age of 51 or the age of Little Beth who blew bubbles through a round hole at the end of a plastic stick?
Adults and Our Mini Selves
The answer to the zen riddle is there is no end or beginning. There is no clear delineation between you as a child and you as an adult because when you think you see the drawn line, it shifts.
We adults assign time periods to the continuum of life, beginning with the age of 13 when we’re supposed to enter a training ground of sorts for adulthood.
But in truth, we don’t ever have to separate from our childhood. My Little Me and Big Me can coexist, but only if I accept that there is no separation. I don’t have to act my age. So there!
My friend Joe knows how to acknowledge his inner little boy.
When I saw him the other day, he was standing outside the building where we were both attending a meeting. He reached into the front pocket of his bib overalls and pulled out a small clear tube containing a bluish color liquid.
I watched in amazement as he took the top off the tube, which–you guessed it, was a plastic stick with a tiny oval on the end–and began blowing bubbles. ”Ah,” he said. ”This is a good batch.”
I looked around to see if anyone was watching.
Joe was unfazed. ”Haven’t you seen me with these? I carry a tube of homemade bubbles around with me most all the time.”
My question, of course, was “Why?” To which he answered, “It helps me when I get a case of red-ass.”
Now I looked around to see if anyone overheard.
“And what is red-ass?” Big Me questioned.
“Red-ass,” Joe said in a matter-of-fact tone, “is when I get so mad that my face turns red and I want to kick somebody’s ass. So I blow bubbles instead.”
What could I say, besides “oh.”
Joe is a great example of a person with a free-flowing relationship between his child-self and his adult-self.
Feeling Too Adult? Try the B Here Today Litmus Test
This test is simple but the answers are crucial. Ask yourself these three questions:
- Do you take yourself too seriously?
- Do people regularly say to you, “Geez, lighten up!”
- By the end of the work day, are your shoulders up around your ears, is your jaw locked and does your neck feel like a taut rope?
There are many days when I can answer in the affirmative to all of those questions. Maybe you can too.
I’ve been advised to open my heart and my arms to Little Beth. When I do, I can feel her giggle and wiggle with glee.
Little Beth craves attention through playfulness, silliness, delight and childlike wonder. ”Why you gotta always be so serious and grown-up?” she asks.
Why indeed.
Just for today, let’s all try to B Here Like a Child. I guarantee that letting just a bit of playfulness into your life will help ease any too-adult-itis you may be experiencing!
P.S. Don’t all kids LOVE birthday celebrations and presents? On April 1st, I announced a month-long birthday contest (that includes presents!) as a good excuse to celebrate my birthday all month long. We (Little Me and Big Me) are having so much fun that we’ve decided to extend it through May because Big Me celebrates another birthday of sorts on the 20th–21 years of sober living. Woo Hoo! For a refresher on contest rules, click here: http://bheretoday.com/2012/04/how-to-not-b-foolish-on-april-fools-day/
B Well & Child-Like!
(photo courtesy of Dhammika Heenpella / Images of Sri Lanka)
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As a kid, we heard our parents tell us to keep our nose where it belonged.
We heard our playground playmates tell us to mind our own bees wax.
My mother used to tell me to tend to my own knitting.
Of course, thanks to Twitter, we have MYOB.
In recovery rooms, we’re advised to stay behind our belly buttons, to not pay attention to anything beyond the end of our own nose, and my personal favorite:
Stay within your hula hoop.
I’ve been hearing that one a lot lately.
Seriously, do we not have enough going on in our own lives that we have to insert ourselves in somebody else’s business?
Like, who died and made us the be-all and know-all? (Remember that one?)
I swear if I never hear the phrase, “If I were you, I would _______ (fill in the blank)” it will be too soon.
One day, my friend Megan and I were chatting about how all “those” people offer unwanted (and often uncalled for) advice. We decided that “they” were determined to infringe on our right to make our own decisions. We just knew that “those” self-righteous people were out to make our lives miserable with their so-called good intentions.
Megan said, “We should just tell them all to drop the kitty.”
Huh?
Here’s the story, as told by my wise and witty friend:
I started leaving cat food out on my front porch for a very small, bright white cat after a neighbor moved away and left it roaming the neighborhood. I named the kitty James Brown because every time he meowed, it sounded like the singer screaming his song, “I feel good!”
When I first saw he’d been abandoned, I told James Brown he was welcome to live with us if he could get along with my 90-pound dog, Jake. I let the cat in the house, and after several very fast and noisy laps of chase, we made the mutual decision that JB could not be in the house.
James Brown returned outdoors and each day I’d fill the cat food bowl on the front porch for him. After a few days, I noticed a huge gray cat bullying James Brown off the porch to eat the food. I asked the bully cat politely not to do that anymore.
The second time I chased the bully cat away, I told him that if he didn’t stop, that my very large dog would do the honors next time.
The third day the bully cat was there eating the cat food, and simply wanting to scare him off, I opened the front door and jokingly called, ”Jake. Get the Kitty.”
Jake ran onto the front porch, clamped his huge jaws around the bully cat and started shaking him side to side. A friend was visiting, and both of us yelled at the top of our lungs, “JAKE! DROP THE KITTY! DROP THE KITTY!”
Jake did drop the kitty and James Brown was never bullied again.
The moral of the story?
The next time you’re inclined to bully your way into someone else’s business, jump back in the circle of your hula hoop, mind your own bees wax and drop the kitty!
(photo courtesy of Cimeries)
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I’ve never really liked April Fool’s Day, although I played along as a kid. I knew plenty of people who were Passionate (with a capital P) about April Fools’ Day but it always seemed to me that the longer the day wore on, the more the pranks became mean-spirited.
Besides, I always thought there was a better reason to celebrate April 1.
It represents the beginning of my birthday month!
This year, I want to celebrate my birthday month with ALL of cyberspace!
And, I want to give YOU birthday gifts!
(I promise this is not an April Fools joke.)
Here’s the Scoop (Make it Baskin Robbins World Class Chocolate, Please.)
I’m starting a contest today and there are no fools allowed so there’s no way you can be foolish on April Fools’ Day!
Here’s how the contest will work: When you subscribe to this blog site (by completing your name and email address on the home page), your name gets thrown into my baseball cap (in honor of the second best thing to happen in the month of April–the start of Major League Baseball Season!).
Quite honestly, I’m really proud of the new look of B Here Today and I want more people to know about it. The new BHT unveiling happens to coincide with my birthday month so I thought, why not share the news for a whole month? When you subscribe, the gifts automatically begin to hit your email box.
Birthday Gifts for You
First, you’ll receive my brand new, first-ever, e-book, B Here On Purpose, nearly 30 pages of how to apply mindfulness in day-to-day situations. Then, for the first seven days after you subscribe, you’ll receive a special email about being present in areas of your life, like at work, in nature, with your finances and with your animals.
The contest itself will run throughout the entire month of April. On May 1, I’ll draw the lucky winner’s name out of the hat and that person will win a $100 Amazon gift card!
Here’s the really FUN part: For every 16th entry subscriber, that person will get a BONUS of FOUR entries. (Bet you’re not fooled by the date of my birthday, are you?). So, since April is the fourth month of the year, when you are new subscriber number 16, 32, 48, 54, 70, 86, and so on, you’ll get your name entered four times.
My friends who are already subscribers can get in on the action too! Anyone who tweets or retweets about the contest on Twitter and/or comments about the contest on Facebook gets one entry into the contest drawing. So be sure to follow me on those two sites (@bheretoday and https://www.facebook.com/Like.BHereToday, respectively)!
But Wait, There’s More!
Call it Beth’s special birthday gift to you! I’m offering an additional $25 gift card to the person who posts the best comment about mindfulness here on the site, either on this post on another April post. Get creative! Tell me what mindfulness means to you, or how you’ve applied the principle of presence in a certain situation or even how the practice of mindfulness has changed your life.
The contest in a nutshell is this: Subscribe and earn one point or entry. Each tweet or comment earns one point. Every 16th subscriber earns four points. At the end of the contest, one person wins a BIG gift card. The best blog comment about mindfulness receives a smaller gift card.
Pretty cool, huh?
There is one–and only one–caveat to the subscriber portion of the contest: In order to trigger the $100 prize, there must be a minimum of 200 new subscribers during the contest. The caveat does not apply to the comment portion of the contest.
Simple, easy, fun AND your competitive spirit gets stoked at the same time. AND, you could win $125!! (Because there is no rule about winning twice.)
Now, rather than being the butt of a family member’s silly April Fools’ joke, isn’t this a much better way to start the grand month of April?
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I think I found the antidote, or at least a temporary fix, for being restless, irritable and discontented.
As with everything, getting out of myself is the ticket. Last weekend, I decided to kick my bah-humbug attitude to the curb and head on over to one of Dallas’ hidden treasures.
Right outside downtown–literally across the interstate–is Dallas Heritage Village, a hamlet of buildings restored from the mid- to late-1800s and meant to show a close representation of what life in north Texas was like in that time period.
This year marked the 40th anniversary of Candlelight at Heritage Village, a time when the village is be-decked in Christmas finery and people in period costume stroll the grounds (occasionally breaking out in spontaneous holiday merriment).
The hours were good for my soul, especially the hayride around the village guided by a 1947 John Deere tractor (we opted for motorized over the slower moving Nip and Tuck, the village’s resident donkeys. At least in a cart I don’t run the risk of sliding in dropped donkey doo.
Taking a step back in time, stopping to listen and observe while wandering about the candlelit town, brought a sense of peace to me.
God knows we can all use a little peace and quiet time, even if we have to go back a century or two to find it.
I must admit that the evening did create a bit of nostalgia for an old semi-regular Christmas tradition; that of spending an evening in the chilly hollers (an old hillbilly term meaning valleys) of Silver Dollar City in Branson, MO.
Nestled in the hills of the Ozark Mountains, this larger village houses an army of artisans who not only take over residency in the shops, but demonstrate their trades (like glass-blowing or candy-making) while children of all ages–yours truly among them in the not-so-distant past–watch in wonder and amazement.
I miss the scents of those Midwestern holiday nights, the air tinged with wassail and wood burning fires. There are many things I miss during this time of year but part of the joy of memories is having them bound back when new experiences elicit reminders.
It’s nice to do a mental time trek, especially during the holidays. Making new memories is nice too, but next time I’d love to find wassail at Dallas Heritage Village. Just saying’ . . .
Wishing you days of peace during the holiday season. Be good to yourself while you’re being good to others.
photo of Nip and Tuck courtesy of the Dallas Heritage Village blog site
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We had a humbling after-Thanksgiving Day experience. Our simple intention was to serve lunch to the homeless and we ended up being the ones served.
We dished up lunch to 200+ sheltered homeless and the staff of Dallas Life, a ministry that provides food, clothing, shelter, education and long-term rehabilitation for men, women and families.
Admittedly, I had a couple of preconceived fears. The mere word “homeless” brought a mental picture of ragged clothes, body odors and stringy, unwashed hair.
I’m not proud of my judgmental thoughts, but usually when I’m willing to become educated, those thoughts flow fairly easily into a dead pool where they stagnate and eventually dissolve.
It didn’t take long this time because my mental picture of the homeless was immediately blown away.
We encountered polite, well-groomed folks who greeted us pleasantly and more often than not, said thank you to us for being there. Some even asked how we were.
Can you imagine?
As in any society, the folks living and working at Dallas Life bring a diversity of life experiences. My sweetie and I spent time talking with one young woman “in the program”–a multi-phased modality designed to get folks back on their feet. Angela (not her real name) educated us on the various phases and about her plans. She was adamant about completion and determined to fulfill her goal of eventually working in a hotel environment where she could be of service.
Angela described her gratitude for the organization and for not being one of the residents with a drug or alcohol addiction.
Her next words rocked us: ”I am just unemployed and homeless.”
My sweetie and I exchanged an incredulous look. Just unemployed and homeless?
So exactly what are my problems today?
Zero. I’ve got no complaints. Instead, I’m honoring hope, optimism and a belief in the endurance of the human spirit.
Will you join me as you absorb these five quotes? I’ve chosen them with Angela in mind and hope you enjoy.
B Well & Aware of Blessings,
Beth
Once you choose hope, anything’s possible. ~Christopher Reeve
Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. ~Anne Lamott
Optimism is the foundation of courage. ~Nicholas Murray Butler
If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit
Don’t let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was. ~ Richard L. Evans
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In July of 2009, I had an epiphany. For about a month prior, I was emotionally distraught, increasingly depressed and having serious thoughts of drinking again (after 18 years of sobriety).
I struggled to wrap my arms around what could possibly be wrong with me. I had all the trappings of a good life, one others would love to emulate--great job, dream house, traveling for a living, a life mate . . . the list goes on. 
