Spirituality

Valentine’s Day is About Loving Yourself

Is there anyone who is not aware that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day?

Let the love flow as deep as the sentimental rivers of candy, flowers, cards and jewels. Like all other over-merchandised holidays (yes, I can guilty as charged), the Day of Love is a mega business.

Consider this Mindful-Monday-before-V-Day-post preparation for tomorrow’s onslaught.

Since everything begins at home in the eternal B Here moment, let’s look at where love begins . . . with oneself.

I’m doing a lot of emotionally charged internal work right now and at the core of the work is the question of how much I love myself.

How often do we stop the frantic pace of our lives to take stock of the answer to that question?

It has been said that in real love you want the other person’s good.  In romantic love, you want the other person (source unknown).  

During this month of love, when romantic love is emphasized, I suggest the need–an urgent need for me–to focus on real love.

When two people commit their lives to each other in a ceremony, words like honor, respect and love are used.  Since our most important relationship is with ourselves, don’t we deserve the application of those words as well?

While it’s true that the largest chunk of my life’s purpose is to be of maximum service to God and other’s, how often do I think of meeting my own needs first?

That’s selfish, you say?

Maybe so, but I’m thinking that since the word “selfish” contains “self,” there just might be a reason to think of me first–or at least as much as others.

We often say we are our own worst enemies.  I’ve said it many times too.

Let’s turn that statement to a positive and say, “I am my own greatest love.”

Imagine how the world would change.

All it takes is a single decision multiplied by billions.  Today all I’m interested in is one.

One decision–my decision–to love myself as others love me.

Now that’s a great gift for Valentine’s Day.

I am my own love and I share that love with you.

Let these words from the great Lucille Ball be our motto for the week:

I have an everyday religion that works for me.  Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.

Happy Love Day from B Here Today.

STOP in the Name of Love

Sometimes I forget that the psalmist said we walk through the valley of the shadow of death.

Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck there, or as is the case right now, that one of my loved ones is stuck there.

Please don’t misunderstand; my Mindful Monday post of a few days ago still stands in terms of the gratitude I’m feeling.  I’m a long way from feeling down and out.  But gratitude aside, do you ever contemplate how challenging it is to stand still in faith when so much uncertainty exists?

I know I’m not the only one.  There’s the friend who’s father, a widower, calls her from out-of-state when he’s been “thinking and drinking.”  There’s the friend who’s son just told her that his girlfriend is pregnant.  And there’s another friend who sits on pins and needles waiting for word about her company being sold and what that means not only for her but for the people she supervises and their families.

So much uncertainty.

I am reminded that my thread of control is alarmingly thin.  What do I do when I don’t know what to do?

What do you do?

Here’s a tool that I’m trying.  I simply S.T.O.P.  Surrender.  Transform.  Open.  Patience.

I surrender as much control as I can.

I do my best to transform my thinking.

I try to remain open to new possibilities, ideas and miracles.

I grit my teeth and try to be patient.  If not this, then something better, Lord.

I also know what not to do.

I deny, or turn away from, Suffering, Tragedy, Oppression and Panic.

Instead, I focus on the things I can do in this moment.  I can say a prayer, write in my gratitude log, call someone, take a nap, write a note, read an inspirational piece, focus on peace.

I can let go of worry and thoughts of doubt.  I can let go of useless thinking that can slip into self-pity.

I can remind myself that I am a creature created for good and that my good extends to myself.  Living and breathing in goodness creates space for more of the same.  More good floats on wisps of gratitude and when I least expect it, in a sigh of transformation, gratitude becomes love.

And the pain in my heart subsides a bit as I realize I have stopped in the name of love.

How do I get from here to there?  By whispering a prayer of willingness which must be bigger than my tendency to sit in my own poop because it feels warm (lovely image, isn’t it?).

In willingness, I throw open my toes and fingers and mind to receive.  I must drain to gain.

At first the surrender seems so hopelessly small but the S in STOP also stands for Stick, as in stick around for something bigger and better.

If not this, then something better, Lord.

While I wait, I think I’ll keep on walking through that valley.

How to Make a Decision Today That Will Alter the Future

So far, I’m pretty satisfied with 2012.

I know we’re only halfway through the first month, but I’m keeping up with my Gratitude Calendar System (to find out how you can participate, check out http://positivechristianity.org/tapes.htm), I’m writing Morning Pages most mornings (made famous by Julia Cameron with the 1992 book The Artist’s Way http://juliacameronlive.com/) and I’m on track to meet my goal of refreshing B Here Today with a new look and design (thanks to the immensely talented and inspirational Stephenie Wetzel at http://tradingpounds.com/).

Heck, I’m even writing my first e-book!

Still, with all this good stuff working, it feels as if something is missing.  There’s a piece, a dimension of my self-development, that I haven’t quite put my finger on, until this last weekend.

My good friend LaDonna has talked to me for months about something called QiGong, a 5,000-year-old Chinese practice of combining fluid body movements, focus and breathing for stress relief and the overall restoration of health and wellness.

I’ve spent a good amount of time this weekend doing online research and it sounds perfect for my lifestyle, my physical condition and my beliefs about body energy.

Yet, I still can’t quite pull the trigger on committing.

Why, you might ask?  That’s a very good question and one I’ll turn  back to you.  Why do any of us put off the ideas and dreams we have for the future, even when we know there will probably be great benefit and reward?

Feels sort of daunting and intimidating to contemplate the answer, doesn’t it?  For me, the answer involves a fear of failure, fear of the unknown, and frankly, a big dose of wishing I could just twitch my nose and my ideas and dreams would sprout right in front of me without any effort.

I chose these five quotes for Mindful Monday selfishly because I need to make my fears public.

I also wanted to see how much the future will be altered by my actions today because, as anyone who has read Stephen King’s 11/22/63 knows, the past can be obdurate.

And obdurate gets me nowhere.

I’ll embrace my fears and make my decision about QiGong anyway, and invite you to do the same about whatever you’ve been putting off.  Truly, what the hell are we waiting for?  The past is stubborn and the future doesn’t care so let’s do it TODAY.

Let me know how it goes for you.

B Well & Present,

Beth

A year from now you will wish you had started today.~Karen Lamb

It doesn’t matter where you are, you are nowhere compared to where you can go. ~Bob Proctor

The best thing you can do is the right thing; the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing; the worst thing you can do is nothing.~Theodore Roosevelt

We need to be discerning about what we choose to believe, and clear about why we care.~Lori Deschene, aka, Tiny Buddha

Resistance to change is proportional to how much the future might be altered by any given act.~Stephen King in 11/22/63

When It’s Okay to NOT Let Go

Lately, all kinds of old-me, former-life stuff has been breaching my thoughts.

Those who know me know how radically different my “now” life is from my “then” life a little less than three years ago.  I chose to make major changes that certainly impacted me and a whole bunch of other people in the process.

I’ve been thinking a lot about all that stuff lately and my internal critic is telling me I shouldn’t be having the thoughts.  It’s all over and done, after all.  I keep telling myself that I need to let it all go and then judging myself because I’m not.

Maybe letting go isn’t the issue.

Maybe I need to let things be instead.

My friend Tom Catton says, “If I can’t let it go, maybe I should let it be.”

Such wise words and ones that I’ve taken to heart in the last couple of days.

I don’t know about you but I am a processor.  I love to process, in fact.  I thrive on extricating the details–the whys and wherefores–from situations.  I like to question.  It’s almost as if I have an urgent need to understand a situation or conversation or even a person before I can accept them.

Can you relate?

All this digging and scraping for underlying messages and meaning is part of what makes me good at my job.  However, I am discovering there are also heavy burdens that accompany the seemingly good character qualities.

First, my mind is always “on.”  I find myself constantly nibbling at the edges of whatever I’m hyper-focused on, not satisfied until I’ve thoroughly chewed through all the possibilities and ramifications.

I’m also an angler, continually re-positioning to eye-ball the scene in my mind from a different vantage point.

Plus, I am an ace practitioner of the “yeah buts,” as in “yeah, but what if . . . (fill in the blank).”

When I am in the throes of one of my obsessive mental processes, it is extremely difficult to just stop and let it go.

For reasons I do not understand, however, it does seem easier to let “it” be.

I’ve been practicing.  When I find myself starting the familiar patterns, I stop, take a deep breath and as I exhale, breathe the two-syllable word, “o-kay.”

That one word does a couple of things.  One, I become focused on right here, right now, and two, I realize that everything, absolutely everything, IS okay in the instant I utter the word.

That is the gentle, simple process of mindfulness that is working for me today.  Today is as far as I choose to see with any degree of intensity.  I can make plans for tomorrow but today is the only capsule of time that requires a laser-focus.

I have noticed a third benefit to my new mindful practice.

Breathing the word o-kay feels very loving and generally brings at least a slight smile–always good for this overly intense mind of mine.

What are some simple mindful practices that you use to keep you grounded in the here and now?

Please share!

Are You Priority One?

Today, the day that begins the second week of 2012 finds me in a totally differet place than on the first day of last week.

Today I choose to be easy with myself and with each person and situation I encounter.

Today, I release, I let go, I let Spirit run my life (to quote one of my favorite Unity songs). I am now free to hop and skip and have fun with my day.

My early morning dreams started the ball rolling. I was with Oprah at a huge party/event she hosted to help women learn to nurture and honor themselves. Not a big stretch, right? Here’s the cool part–Oprah had a zillion people pulling her in several directions but before she did any of those things, she grabbed a nice paper shopping bag and excused herself. She was gone for several moments and when she returned, she handed the bag to me and said, “Please enjoy and please take good care of yourself. You are the most important person in your life.”  Inside the bag were beautifully wrapped pampering goodies.

Do you think there are messages in dreams? I do! My Oprah dream tells me that taking care of myself is Priority One.

Are you your Priority One today?

As we begin this second work week of 2012, please savor these five quotes about self-care. Yes, we all have our goals and ambitions for the year, but let’s remember to balance the outer with the inner.

B Well & Present,

Beth

The name of the game is taking care of yourself, because you’re going to live long enough to wish you had.
–Grace Mirabella

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.
–Thomas S. Szasz

We need to find the courage to say ‘NO’ to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to
rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.
–Barbara De Angelis

Ninety per cent of the world’s woe comes from people not knowing themselves, their abilities, their frailties, and even their real virtues. Most of us go almost all the way through life as complete strangers to ourselves — so how can we know anyone else?
–Sidney J. Harris

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.
–Anna Freud