I did manage to hold her close to my heart without being overcome by emotion, even as I avoided the Mother’s Day pageantry.  No church, no brunch, no places where mothers and their kids spend this day of annual gaiety, welcomed or forced.

Today, however, is a different story.  Today the grief is palpable.

Today, May 14, 2012, would have been Mama’s 74th birthday.  Today is also the anniversary of my college graduation, the day my mother held me tight and sobbed as she told me that I had given her the very best 45th birthday present.

Believe me, she had plenty of reason to be grateful that I was graduating from the top undergraduate journalism program in the country.  She was ecstatic that I was fulfilling her dream of becoming a “writer with a sheepskin,” a dream she abandoned to become a wife and mother.

The secondary reason for her gratitude–the one she wouldn’t admit for more than two decades–was because she knew I had inherited the family disease of alcoholism.  I believe that on that May day, she was exhaling the breath she had held for four years.  She wondered if I would make it through school.

Mom didn’t know how badly my disease had already advanced.  She didn’t know until I told her many years later that the memory of her hugging me was one of my last memories of Graduation Day because I slipped into a functioning blackout.  I only know I actually graduated by looking at the photos taken.

I had eight more years of hard drinking and hard living still in me.

After I sobered up when I was 30, our relationship took a nosedive, because alcoholism is a family disease and we were all untreated.  I was in double-digit sober years before Mom began to tell me she was proud of me.  And it was only when she got so sick with cancer in 2009 that we finally began to talk about those years.

That’s when I really felt her pride.

This blog was several months old when I shared it with her.  I had to explain the concept of a blog to her and that yes, I still worked for The Partnership at Drugfree.org helping educate parents and kids about substance abuse.

But she understood that my writing passion was deeply ingrained.  She knew my writer’s heart because she possessed it at one time.   She grew a little wistful as she turned around in her recliner and looked through my eyes to my soul.

“Honey,” Mom said.  ”I don’t care what you write but you have to write.”

Today, I’m still hoping to make her proud as I step on a new path on this writing journey.  I have less than one week to complete my first monthly article for Wild Sister, the online empowerment magazine for women who want inspiration, and who believe that by empowering women we can change the world.

You’re right, Mama, I do  have to write and now I’m an official Wild Sister!  The opportunity is thrilling and intimidating and . . . hang on, I think I’m hearing her voice.

What’s that, Mama?  Oh right.  Yes, I did forget.  I did forget that you’ve always told me I can do anything I set my mind to.

My birthday wish is to say  thanks for believing in me, even from Heaven.

Your first reaction to the question may be, “Geez, that’s a no-brainer. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist the pun.) I’d use my brain to think.”

After all,  didn’t we all grow up with some version of “For God’s sake, THINK!  You’ve got a brain, now use it!”?

This is Your Brain

While many of us spend a good deal of time contemplating our navels, how often do we give our brains much consideration?

Quick, name three words that describe your brain.  What do you think of when you think of your brain?

I think cerebral, rational, decision-machine.

You may think of more physical words like dense, heavy or large.

Now, Think of Your Brain Differently.

I receive a daily Note from The Universe in my in-box that from time to time really tickles me.  A few days ago, this message came through:

The real reason your brain is so large, Beth, compared to most of the other blessed creatures dwelling in time and space, is so that you can vividly imagine all the exquisite, exciting, and enthralling details of your heart’s desires; not so that you can figure out who you need to meet, when you need to meet them, where you need to be, or how you’re going to pull it all together.  Your brain is not nearly that big.

Personally, until I read the Note, I would have never considered using the words exquisite, exciting and enthralling to describe my brain.  

But it’s true, isn’t it?

Are You Vividly Imagining the Desires of Your Heart?

The Scarecrow only thought he didn’t have a brain (or mind) to figure out his dilemmas.  At the end of the Oz story, he learns that he wasn’t acknowledging his own abilities.

He didn’t realize that by using his imagination, he could create what he desired.  The scarecrow didn’t know that behind the firing of the imagination lies the brain waiting to engage.  He didn’t allow his brain to imagine the desires of his heart.

How true is that for you today?

What exquisite, exciting and enthralling detail of your heart is eluding you today?

I invite you to sit with that detail–vividly imagine it–and then claim it as truth.

Are You an Over-Thinker?

My sweetie and I are making plans to move soon.  We’ve spent a good deal of time talking about our desires for our new home, that it be filled with light, have plenty of space for two (not one) home offices and that it have a fenced area or small yard for Jazzy to be off-leash.

We’ve discussed the area of town, proximity to the airport and our wish for a quiet, peaceful neighborhood.

For days, my brain and I went on a cerebral adventure to determine all our options, sort through possibilities, narrow down strategies and develop a plan for finding our new place.

One of those options included meeting with a leasing agent over the weekend who showed us a couple of properties.  We were disappointed with both.

My obsessive brain went into overdrive with thoughts of new searches, whether we really needed a garage and what our new neighbors would be like.  I was making myself a little crazy.

Then I remembered something the leasing agent said. “I think I have a pretty good understanding of what you are looking for.  The next time you hear from me, I’ll have three or four good properties for you to see because I will have already looked at them,” he said.

All of a sudden, I realized my brain could let go of the thinking about our new place, and focus on imagining and claiming the picture of what our new home would look like.

Claim the Desire of Your Heart

I could stop obsessing with my rational, solution-focused brain and imagine with my exquisite, excited and enthralled mind.

When I get out of the way of my own thought process–over-thinking–great imaginings can occur.  The same can be true for you.

How would you like to use your brain differently?  Have you claimed the desire of your heart?  Please share your thoughts on letting go of old approaches and imagining new.

(photo courtesy of Mary R. Vogt at http://mrg.bz/EAZNkQ)

Do you remember the bubbles, kites and bicycles of your childhood?

Sticky bubble hands, cricks in your neck from watching your kite dip and dive and road rash from a turn taken too fast on the bike . . . those faded memories stir in me lately as I look hard for the little girl who still lives in my heart.

I haven’t knocked on her door and asked her to come out and play in a long, long time.

We Should Invite Our Kids–the Little Boy or Girl Inside Us–to Play.

Experts say that adults who acknowledge the needs of their inner kids–whether by addressing childhood fears or allowing pent-up creativity and playfulness to express–are more equipped to successfully deal with adult stressors.  And who among us doesn’t want to better deal with stress?

Don’t worry, this is definitely not a post about getting in touch with your inner child.

I’ve been down that path and I’m not an enthusiastic fan–mostly because it’s hard, emotional and takes a ton of time and energy.

But I have been feeling way too adult lately with too much work and not enough intentional play time.

That feeling raises a Zen koan-like question:  Where does the lingering child in me end and my adult self begin?

As adults, we often think we should repress our child-like qualities and “act our age.”  But what age, exactly?  My chronological age of 51 or the age of Little Beth who blew bubbles through a round hole at the end of a plastic stick?

Adults and Our Mini Selves

The answer to the zen riddle is there is no end or beginning.  There is no clear delineation between you as a child and you as an adult because when you think you see the drawn line, it shifts.

We adults assign time periods to the continuum of life, beginning with the age of 13 when we’re supposed to enter a training ground of sorts for adulthood.

But in truth, we don’t ever have to separate from our childhood.  My Little Me and Big Me can coexist, but only if I accept that there is no separation.  I don’t have to act my age.  So there!

My friend Joe knows how to acknowledge his inner little boy.

When I saw him the other day, he was standing outside the building where we were both attending a meeting.  He reached into the front pocket of his bib overalls and pulled out a small clear tube containing a bluish color liquid.

I watched in amazement as he took the top off the tube, which–you guessed it, was a plastic stick with a tiny oval on the end–and began blowing bubbles.  ”Ah,” he said.  ”This is a good batch.”

I looked around to see if anyone was watching.

Joe was unfazed.  ”Haven’t you seen me with these?  I carry a tube of homemade bubbles around with me most all the time.”

My question, of course, was “Why?”  To which he answered, “It helps me when I get a case of red-ass.”

Now I looked around to see if anyone overheard.

“And what is red-ass?” Big Me questioned.

“Red-ass,” Joe said in a matter-of-fact tone, “is when I get so mad that my face turns red and I want to kick somebody’s ass.  So I blow bubbles instead.”

What could I say, besides “oh.”

Joe is a great example of a person with a free-flowing relationship between his child-self and his adult-self.

Feeling Too Adult? Try the B Here Today Litmus Test

This test is simple but the answers are crucial.  Ask yourself these three questions:

• Do you take yourself too seriously?
• Do people regularly say to you, “Geez, lighten up!”
• By the end of the work day, are your shoulders up around your ears, is your jaw locked and does your neck feel like a taut rope?

There are many days when I can answer in the affirmative to all of those questions.  Maybe you can too.

I’ve been advised to open my heart and my arms to Little Beth.  When I do, I can feel her giggle and wiggle with glee.

Little Beth craves attention through playfulness, silliness, delight and childlike wonder.  ”Why you gotta always be so serious and grown-up?” she asks.

Why indeed.

Just for today, let’s all try to B Here Like a Child.  I guarantee that letting just a bit of playfulness into your life will help ease any too-adult-itis you may be experiencing!

P.S.  Don’t all kids LOVE birthday celebrations and presents?  On April 1st, I announced a month-long birthday contest (that includes presents!) as a good excuse to celebrate my birthday all month long.  We (Little Me and Big Me) are having so much fun that we’ve decided to extend it through May because Big Me celebrates another birthday of sorts on the 20th–21 years of sober living.  Woo Hoo!  For a refresher on contest rules, click here:  http://bheretoday.com/2012/04/how-to-not-b-foolish-on-april-fools-day/ 

B Well & Child-Like!

(photo courtesy of Dhammika Heenpella / Images of Sri Lanka)

We heard our playground playmates tell us to mind our own bees wax.

My mother used to tell me to tend to my own knitting.

Of course, thanks to Twitter, we have MYOB.

In recovery rooms, we’re advised to stay behind our belly buttons, to not pay attention to anything beyond the end of our own nose, and my personal favorite:

Stay within your hula hoop.

I’ve been hearing that one a lot lately.

Seriously, do we not have enough going on in our own lives that we have to insert ourselves in somebody else’s business?

Like, who died and made us the be-all and know-all?  (Remember that one?)

I swear if I never hear the phrase, “If I were you, I would _______ (fill in the blank)” it will be too soon.

One day, my friend Megan and I were chatting about how all “those” people offer unwanted (and often uncalled for) advice.  We decided that “they” were determined to infringe on our right to make our own decisions.  We just knew that “those” self-righteous people were out to make our lives miserable with their so-called good intentions.

Megan said, “We should just tell them all to drop the kitty.”

Huh?

Here’s the story, as told by my wise and witty friend:

I started leaving cat food out on my front porch for a very small, bright white cat after a neighbor moved away and left it roaming the neighborhood. I named the kitty James Brown because every time he meowed, it sounded like the singer screaming his song, “I feel good!”

When I first saw he’d been abandoned, I told James Brown he was welcome to live with us if he could get along with my 90-pound dog, Jake. I let the cat in the house, and after several very fast and noisy laps of chase, we made the mutual decision that JB could not be in the house.  

James Brown returned outdoors and each day I’d fill the cat food bowl on the front porch for him. After a few days, I noticed a huge gray cat bullying James Brown off the porch to eat the food. I asked the bully cat politely not to do that anymore.

The second time I chased the bully cat away, I told him that if he didn’t stop, that my very large dog would do the honors next time.

The third day the bully cat was there eating the cat food, and simply wanting to scare him off, I  opened the front door and jokingly called,  ”Jake. Get the Kitty.”

Jake ran onto the front porch,  clamped his huge jaws around the bully cat and started shaking him side to side. A friend was visiting, and both of us yelled at the top of our lungs, “JAKE! DROP THE KITTY! DROP THE KITTY!”

Jake did drop the kitty and James Brown was never bullied again.

The moral of the story?

The next time you’re inclined to bully your way into someone else’s business, jump back in the circle of your hula hoop, mind your own bees wax and drop the kitty!

(photo courtesy of Cimeries)

Andy Dooley loves to have fun!  But, he is completely serious when he talks about life being a celebration!

I met Andy recently when he gave his patented Vibration Activation workshop in Dallas.  If you haven’t seen his presentation, RUN to his website http://andydooley.com  for all his cool stuff.  Andy is an author, artist, poet, professional speaker extraordinaire and spiritual comedian.  He’s the younger half of the Dooley brothers–in 1989 he and brother Mike, along with their mother, started TUT.com, Totally Unique Thoughts.

I don’t want to steal Andy’s thunder here–by the way, he gave me permission to tell you all about my fantastic experience at Vibration Activation–but I do want to focus on his belief that life is a celebration.

Today’s the perfect day for Andy’s wisdom.

Why?  Because today is my BIRTHDAY and I ALWAYS can’t wait to celebrate my birthday!  It’s like I get infected by the fun bug once the calendar flips from March 31.  (As an aside, we began an April Fools’ Day contest here at B Here Today that is fun-cubed throughout the month of April.  Click here for more info. http://bheretoday.com/2012/04/how-to-not-b-foolish-on-april-fools-day/

Because it’s my birthday AND Mindful Monday, I’d like to share some take-aways with you.  These are also the seven reason why Andy is FABULOUS!  There is no way to really feel his event until you’re in Andy’s presence (Presents?  Did someone say presents?) but I hope you’ll get a snapshot from this reading.

Takeaway #1:  Vibration Activation is a critical thought process that has specific action steps to take you from releasing a negative thought to creating a new story for yourself and deliberately attracting good to you.

Takeaway #2:  The first action step in the Vibration Activation process is to clear out the negative with these words:  STOP, CANCEL, CLEAR.  GET THE FEAR OUT OF HERE! (another F-word is optional and often desirable).

Takeaway #3:  We spend too much time and energy focusing our feelings on the problems of our lives, so that becomes the vibration that the Universe gives back to us.  When we visualize positive feelings–not expectations of outcomes–a new vibration gets attracted to us.

Takeaway #4:  When we’re doing this work, it’s important to insert a Transition Story into the gap between STOP, CANCEL, CLEAR, GET THE FEAR OUT OF HERE and channeling the Beach Boys by picking up good vibrations.  The Transition Story is about working with a second person to relay back and forth for no less than 68 seconds (a mysterious quantum and relative amount of time) statements that begin with a combination of I am beginning to, I am becoming and I am allowing.  Do those rapid fire.  I am beginning to live my dream.  I am allowing positive thoughts into my life.  I am becoming more focused on my good.

Takeaway #5:  There is an optional pre-step to the Transition Story process.  If those three affirmative statements are uncomfortable, it’s completely okay to precede them with the words THAT’S RIGHT.  That’s Right, I am beginning to live my dream.  That’s Right, I am allowing positive thoughts into my life.  That’s Right, I am becoming more focused on my good.

Takeaway #6:  Andy plays this game called Zip, Zap, Zop.  It was crazily fun, mostly because there was no point.  No winner.  In fact, the game is simply five or six people standing in a circle pointing their clapped hands at each other saying as fast as they can:  (Clap) Zip.  (Clap) Zap.  (Clap) Zop.  When someone messes up, everybody says YAY!! and claps more!  Wouldn’t life be a great adventure if we all played Zip, Zap, Zop?

Takeaway #7:  The brain is not designed to figure out the details of how something will be done.  Andy says, “Let go of the how, stay focused on the WOW.  Surrender to the outcome of the thing, live in the feeling and let the universe deliver the how.”  FOCUS ON THE FEELING, baby!

Simple.  Easy.  Fun.  It’s my birthday, so let’s eat cake!  Class dismissed!

B Well & FUN!