Happy Birthday to Me and B Here!
B Here Today is three years old today. Like a toddler testing her legs, I’ve had fun writing about all kinds of things from goats and crickets to beach vacations and grieving the loss of my mom.
What started as a blog for recording my recovery journey has morphed into a place to tell stories of all kinds.
I’ve discovered that I love to tell stories and many of them are recovery stories because that’s my life. I’m a person in long-term recovery from alcoholism; in fact sobriety for me began 22 years ago today.
On May 20, 1991, I was a month into my 30’s, had just bought my first house and was really living the good life. I had a job that allowed me to travel on an expense account, a loving relationship and all the outer trappings of success.
The problem wasn’t my life. It was me not living my life.
I didn’t know that I didn’t know how to live my life until I was sober. Sometimes it feels like it’s taken every one of these past 8,030 days to figure it out.
Somewhere between the time I had my first sips of my dad’s Budweiser when I was old enough to open the refrigerator and when I quit drinking in 1991, I crossed the line into alcoholism. Was the line when I had my first alcoholic blackout at 15? Maybe.
Was it when I drove drunk on snow-packed roads, ran over an animal and didn’t stop? Perhaps.
Had I crossed the line on the Saturday afternoon when I fought off a potential rapist, found a pay phone to call for help but didn’t know where I was?
It doesn’t matter when I crossed the line, though. Nor does it matter what I still had in my life or what I had lost.
What does matter is that I came to understand that my soul was drowning in alcohol and the only way to save it was to stop.
I am blissfully and blessedly grateful to the Higher Power in my life who guided me then and now.
God knows I couldn’t do it alone!
First B Here posts
From the inaugural post: Boil sobriety down and what’s left in the bottom of the pot is a glop of daily moments that sometimes needs seasoning, sometimes tastes just right and sometimes needs to be tossed in the trash.
From a post quoting my sponsor: Recovery is about living life differently but it’s not expected that you’ll wake up one morning and Shazam!, you have all knowledge.
From Why Did God Create Sponsors?: I believe God knew there would be sober children–and I’m not referring to chronological age–who would be regularly blustery and dumb-founded when it comes to living life without alcohol.
From Bug Lesson: I have jammed myself into many corners without realizing that my escape route is behind me.
From Waiting for a Miracle: I’ve been known to say in 12-step meetings, “If all I am today is sober, somebody please shoot me.”
From Dog Therapy: For me, animals, and dogs in particular, offer a haven against the complications of being human and in recovery. They live simply and serenely and for the most part, get their needs met on an as-needed basis. They show me what it’s like to languish and live and love in spite of what may be happening around them.
For all of you who have contributed to the lessons and the beauty of the last 22 years, I give you my heartfelt thanks. To all B Here Today readers who have given me your time and your responses, for connecting your heart to mine, I wish you peace.
Photo courtesy of kakisky