Stop Acting in Self-Defense
Kahlil Gibran said, “Often times I have hated in self-defense; if I were stronger I would not have used such a weapon.”
I read this quote in Peace on the Inside. The author, Karen Jandorf, offered this as practice:
“The manifestation of hate typically has force, energy and power. But if you think about it, hate generally derives from a sense of powerlessness.
“Perhaps the world would be a more loving place if, when a sense of powerlessness arises, we made ourselves the object of our compassion rather than making others the object of our hate.”
Wow–this really gets to the heart of so many of my reactions to people and situations involving people. In my 12-step world I know this phenomenon of the mind as “when I am disturbed,” it’s always about me–100% of the time.
“I have hated in self-defense.”
We can bring hatred down several notches so it becomes proving my point, justifying why I’m right and stating my case. It’s still self-defense, isn’t it?
Most negative emotions are about self-defense and are usually about me not getting what I think I need, want or deserve.
“Made ourselves the object of our compassion rather than making others the object of our hate.”
I can stop trying to prove myself. There is no need if I treat myself as I generally treat others and hope that others treat me. Instead of proving myself, I can work on loving myself, nurturing myself and paying attention to my own needs instead of waiting for someone else to tend to them.
There is no need to prove myself if I believe in me, if I believe I am a beautiful being and if I know in my heart than my GUS is completely thrilled with me.
Compassion toward one’s self–which requires a good amount of inner “me” time–is missing in today’s instant-on culture. Mostly we’re busy doing instead of being. The state of “doingness” without a balance of beingness is a set-up for potential hateful situations.
And . . .
If I am good with me–loving, accepting, tolerant, forgiving–then powerlessness has no place in my life. I’m in a much better position to allow life to flow and to ride with the flow instead of struggling against it.
One thing, in case anyone is keeping score, I am aware that I’m powerless over most everything in my life, including alcohol and drugs. That’s a different storyline from this one–maybe next week’s blog post?
Perhaps. In the meantime, please enjoy your week and do take some time to just be.
Photo courtesy of scotsann