Waiting for a Miracle (Again)

“I made it through the rain.  I kept my world protected.  I made it through the rain.  I kept my point of view.  I made it through the rain and found myself respected by the others, who, got rained on too, and made it through. ” ~ Barry Manilow, I Made it Through the Rain

We’ve seen a lot of rainy, gray days here in north Texas, our version of winter.  My heart feels gray too as I walk through grieving the loss of a cherished job.

Here’s my disclaimer–my creativity is nil today.  I’m trying not to beat myself up.  It’s important, though, that I maintain as much honesty and transparency as possible.

I was “thumbing” through old posts and came across what you’re about to read.  I wrote it in May of 2010 during another gloomy time.

When I read it, I thought, “Guess I made it through that time.  Guess I’ll make it through this one as well.”

Then I thought of Barry Manilow’s song, quoted above.  Yes, I’m a sappy Manilow fan.

For all of you going through the rain, know you’re in fine company, and we will make it through.

The reprinted “Waiting for a Miracle”

I’ve been known to say in 12-step meetings, “If all I am today is sober, somebody please shoot me.”

I don’t want to just get by, to survive.  I want to thrive in sobriety as I deal with the proverbial life on life’s terms.  And thriving sometimes means hanging on with your fingertips to an idea that things won’t always be the way they are right now.

I’ve also been known to talk about this theory I have that many of us in sobriety are often more challenged by the dog gnawing through new sneakers or backing the car over the garbage can than on major life events.

But right now I think that theory sucks.  I also think that anyone who says in a meeting, “Honey, you’ll be all right.  You’re right where you need to be.  Remember, there are no big deals,” needs to be taken out back and whacked over the head with a Big Book.

There ARE big deals and staying sober through gut-wrenching pain may not necessarily be any more difficult than when you find your new Nikes between the dog’s paws, but it’s quite possibly more miraculous.

I believe that a miracle is a shift in perception.  But sometimes shifting that perception–particularly when grief and loss are involved–is an overwhelming task far bigger than my abilities.  Talk about “what an order!  I can’t go through with it!”

The disease waits too

Wouldn’t it be easier to simply react in the one way that comes naturally to me?

Of course it would–returning to my addiction would be a simple, if not cowardly, way of dealing with a boatload of emotional circumstances.  I’m told that my disease of addiction is lurking in that dark alley of despair, waiting for me to step in so that it can once again consume me.

But one valuable thing I’ve learned in these years of staying sober is that despair eventually passes.  Daylight does return to illumine the alley’s darkness so that you can clearly see that it’s not a place where you want to return.

The really cool thing about miracles is they do arrive.  I believe they are promises from God.  During those times when the darkness can’t possibly get any more pitch black, if you can simply hold on, your miracle will arrive.

Every single time it does–and in 19 years a miracle has always appeared at the exact moment it was supposed to, and always in spite of me–I am humbled, amazed and awed by God’s grace.

If you’re having a moment of darkness that seems to stretch into eternity, please wait.  I promise you that the miracle you need will arrive.

Photo courtesy of mconnors

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5 Comments

  1. Jerry Brady says:

    Beth I love this blog today ! Thank You for sharing yourself with all of us !!
    I do know that the wreckage of My Past is the Power Of Future if “I Choose” ! To take what evertime that is needed (surrender) then “Reach Out Grab That ONE Happy Picture” that will allow me to move foward when ready!

    I love the 12step ref!! I to have been at meeting like that . Would love to find others (Like Minded People)who feel that the 12 meetings “NEED JOY,HAPPINESS and LOVE droped at their door step.

    You could have a NEW JOB 🙂 doing that :)!!

    PS: I cant believe I answered a blog ! What a GREAT year 2013 will be if “I” choose to B Here Today Thanks Jerry

    • Beth says:

      Hi Jerry,

      I am so glad you responded to a blog post and will do it again. I really enjoy interacting with readers.

      Your words, “the wreckage of my past is the power of the future” is a tremendous affirmation. Thanks for sharing it.

      I completely agree that there needs to be more joy, happiness and love dropped in the rooms. I will get to work on that starting tomorrow; you have my word!

      Lots of love to you!

      P.S. Guess what my old Missouri license plate reads? I look at it every day on my desk here in Texas. SURNDR! I bet you can guess what it means.

  2. Hey Beth,

    Glad you know that this too shall pass. That is what we can all remember is that life does move on. Thinking of you and wishing you the best. Know you will be on the upside very soon! Hugs.

  3. Priska says:

    I made it through the rain.
    I live in QLD, Australia.
    We’ve just experienced flooding rain.
    I have just had 4 days without power and no power when one lives out of town also means no running water.
    In this part of the world it rains in summer.
    Though we made it through the rain, I have changed.
    Sitting with a bucket as water slowly trickled from a gravity fed hose made me aware of how quickly modern life now moves and tested my ability to remain mindfully in the moment.
    I had no problem doing so when finally standing under a nice hot shower.

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